iCan't Pretend
by BCRebel
Summary: -Really the only thing he's not is Carly- My take on Sam's point of view post-iMake Sam Girlier. Cam, with a bit of Sam/Pete because that's where the episode left off. Written for IDF and the nick girlslash LJ community's IDF Fanmix.


There's something wrong with you, you're sure of it.

Pete's a really great guy. He sees something in you that's just slightly more than the angry, independent delinquent with an overactive metabolism you show the world most days. Not many people do, even though you're fairly certain part of you wishes they would. You won't go so far as to call yourself misunderstood, because really you're not. People understand what you give them just fine, and you really are an aggressive tomboy who loves meat.

It's just that, with the obvious exception of Carly, no one cares to notice that you're more than that. Pete seems to be on the right track though, and you're sure if you let him in he'd see all the same stuff Carly sees in you. You could be _happy _with this guy. Which leads you back to the question of why he's eating dinner alone on his uncle's boat and you're sitting here in tears outside the lobby of the Bushwell Plaza apartment building.

After you and Pete left the Groovy Smoothie you headed to the nearby park to walk around and talk and get to know each other while you waited for his uncle to come pick you up and drive you to his boat.

The conversation went remarkably well. You both had a laugh at your retelling of the entire 'Sam wants to be girlier' mess - the bits he wasn't already familiar with, mostly just the weird ideas Carly'd made you try in her efforts to reshape you in her own image.

By most standards the date was getting off to a great start and you were genuinely enjoying yourself. Except that something about the entire thing felt off. You got through several of your Carly-centric anecdotes before you started to notice it. The way Pete was talking to you, about you, had begun to remind you more and more of Carly and suddenly you just didn't want to be there anymore.

You tried to pull up all the reasons you've been crushing so hard on Pete for the last three weeks to remind you why you wanted to be here in the first place. Pete is a really great guy. Everyone likes him and he's not popular simply for his looks or his athleticism. He's a genuinely nice guy, friendly, charming, not particularly mean to anyone, and he's really smart. He makes excellent grades and makes them look effortless yet somehow avoids all the nerdy qualities that earn Freddie so much of your harassment. He's funny, he's a good listener.

Really the only thing he's not is Carly.

And therein lies your dilemma.

You're walking through a park on a wonderful evening with a great guy and the moment you realize he's basically Carly without the Carly you want to be as far away as you can get.

You'd kissed him then. It was a shockingly unpleasant experience and reminded you far too much of the only other one you've had. You'd hated kissing Fredward too, but you were supposed to hate that kiss. This time it's not Freddie you're kissing. You like this guy; you _want _to like kissing him. You just don't, and you're more than a little scared that what's missing from the kiss is the same thing that's been missing from Pete all night.

Shortly after all your realizations you'd fumbled through some terrible excuse about your mother needing you to wash the cat (which in different circumstances might have been a legitimate excuse) and ran off to find someplace quiet to get your thoughts organized and calm yourself down.

That led you here, to the benches outside the main entrance to the Shay's apartment building.

You know why you're here, and you really wish your subconscious didn't take over quite so thoroughly when you panicked. Carly does generally calm you down. She helps you focus, balances you out. But at the moment the fact that she's only a short elevator ride away isn't helping you at all.

You sit on the bench for what feels like days. Crying until you run out of tears and slowly working your way through all your mixed up thoughts and emotions, pausing only to growl at a hobo who'd wandered too close to your personal moment until he got scared and ran off.

After more than two hours of soul searching and introspection on the meaning of life, or well, the meaning of Carly, you make your way through the main lobby toward the elevator and head up to the Shay's floor.

Your hair and clothes a mess, you stand outside the Shay's front door not at all certain what you're even doing there but convinced it's probably one of the more important moments in your life thus far.

You knock loudly on their front door knowing it'll be Carly who answers. It's well past midnight and both of the Shays know you're the only person who would be coming to their apartment this late at night.

When the door opens you freeze, realizing suddenly how scared you really are of what you know you'll end up saying to Carly tonight, because you're Sam and you think you've figured this Carly thing out, at least on your end, and you're not giving yourself time to think any of it through before you jump in feet first.

You find yourself with her arms around you and she's not saying anything, just holding you, and you can tell she really wants to know what happened with Pete but isn't going to ask.

You lean against her, thinking about how right this moment feels and you finally pull together that Sam courage you're known for and whisper into her hair

"He's not you"


End file.
